Please say a prayer for my husband. He lives with the most up and down, manic depressant, on again off again, roller coaster riding, indecisive wife. I really don't mean to be, but this home school journey has made me this way. All year I have been on again off again about home school. Weekly it changes. My husband has given up trying to lead in this situation. He says the ball's in my court.
Since I said, "...I should post also about why I [am continuing] to home school this year if this past [year] was so hard," two posts ago I have went and visited a charter school. I was really thinking I was sending them to school in a couple of weeks.
BUT I went there and I got a sick-to-my-stomach feeling. That is my "gut feeling". I know when I get this feeling the decision what ever it may be is not right. I knew then they wouldn't be going to school this year at a school. That's it. I will (God Willing) be homeschooling this year.
SO...I must add (for my fellow Christian folk) that last year when I made the decision to home school it was simply because and ONLY because I felt God led me to do it. I had no convictions of my own as to WHY, only that's what He wanted me to do. I had already signed them up for private school. Then one night I got the "gut feeling"...the next day I cancelled their registration and began the adventure of homeschooling.
This year I have not been led by God to send them to school. I have just been a rebellious little child of God and took the matters into my own hands. Thus, the up and down emotions. I haven't really prayed about it too much because I kind of knew what God wanted and didn't want to hear it. I was trying to see if I could do it differently and somehow be at peace about it.
Homeschooling is a commitment and it's challenging, and frankly I'm a WIMP. When things get tough and there are schools out there and teachers who do this sort of stuff for a living I think, "Why am I making life so difficult. I could be enjoying a few hours all to myself everyday, reading a good book, going to the gym, going out to coffee etc, while someone else teaches my kids."
But today's trip to the "regular school" confirmed what I already knew. It's just not time for that yet. Maybe someday I don't know. I'll take it year by year and PRAY and see where God is leading.
I am excited to home school another year. It's in my heart. I just hope since it's my second year that I'll do a better job than this past year. That I can make it more enjoyable for my kids and be more consistent.
I do have more of an answer as to WHY I am homeschooling this year, in addition to it being God's will for us. Because I heart homeschool. I really do. It's an adventure, it's neat, it's fun. When it's good, it's soooo good. It's nothing like I thought it'd be when I first started out (Thank God) but so much more. There is so much one can do as a homeschool mom for her kids. The sky's the limit. There is so much to offer your children. And it's not cookie-cutter. It can be so creative. It a good feeling when you figure out a way to teach your child something that is normally boring in a fun, exciting way. Overcoming the challenges is fulfilling.
So ONWARD I go into the 07-08 school year.
God forgive me for my rebellious heart. Give me what I need for this upcoming year I pray.
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