May 7, 2008

May 7, 2008
Nearly 8 years ago I became a mom for the first time. The moment I laid eyes on my son I was a completely different person. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone. At that moment I knew I would die for him without question if the need ever arose. I loved him so much it hurt, sometimes physically. There were some nights I’d watch him sleep and tears would trickle down my face just because he existed. He was the most beautiful creature. And He was mine to have and take care of.

Then 2 years later I held another baby in my womb. I wondered, “can I love this one as much as the first one?” I knew the answer was yes because other mom’s had shared with me this same feeling. They proved right as my baby girl was laid on my chest for the first time. Her fiery red hair matched the “rose” birthmark on her little leg. I looked at my baby girl and the same flood of emotion filled my whole being. Now I had 2 little lives set before me. What a great joy, what a great responsibility.

The last 8 years have challenged me in so many ways. With that final push my life was not about me anymore. I remember the first week of having my son home forgetting to eat. What was food? I was so focused on how to take of this little one and get him to nurse, it’d be well into the afternoon and I’d think, ”oh I should probably eat some food today.” I was so thankful for the meals brought over because going to the store for groceries didn’t even enter my mind. It was nice to not have to think of that detail for a little bit while I got my bearings.

When I had 2 little ones I realized how much more I was capable of. Before my daughter was born I wondered how I would do it. When she was born I realized, you just do it. Whatever comes along whether it’s two kids puking at the same time or two parents puking at the same time. You just get it done. There were times I’d stop, breath, think and then take the first step. There were times when one was crying because I couldn’t attend to their needs because I was tending to the other.

But then there were times when 4 little arms were wrapped around me squeezing me tight or 2 sets of lips planted on my cheeks or one child on my hip and the other holding my hand. Nowadays it’s my little ducklings following behind as we go here and there picking me flowers (or colorful weeds) and handing them to me so proudly. Or two kids running from me screaming and laughing as I chase them as “the tickle monster”.

Lately I’ve taught my son chess and my daughter some cooking. With each new age we experience more new firsts and more doors open to different opportunities. She watches me put on make up and compliments a pretty shirt. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and asks for stories of when I was little. They both want books read and backs tickled and they both still will hold my hand at school.

Growing up, but forever my babies.