(all together now)...so are the days of our lives.
Think about life. Millions of people have lived and are dead and gone. Millions of people are living right now. What does life matter? Think about it. Our life is but a vapor. Four or five generations ago people existed that I don't know but without their life I wouldn't be here. I don't even know their names. So. Why are we here?
I find it mind boggling to think about. All the people that have existed on this earth, their lifetimes to them seeming to last a long time yet now they've been dead longer than they were ever alive. They had a spot in this world, a circle of influence, a purpose. It almost seems as if our life is meaningless, igsignificant in the whole scheme of things.
Sometimes when I get weighed down with lifes burdens, or find myself off track in my line of thinking...I remind myself. Why am I here. Our life is so short time should not be wasted. I remind myself that God has a purpose and a plan for me and I have but a short time to carry that out. I don't know completely what it is except that which is immediate. I have to kids to invest in and one husband to build up and encourage and to love. If that is all that I'm here for than that is enough but I don't think that it is.
I do think life has meaning and that our short stay here has significance. I exist for God and his purposes. I don't have to know what it is in every circumstance because I know that what I do now will impact generations--things which I'll never see this side of Heaven. But I know that as long as I'm living to glorify God than I'm sure I'll do fine and won't miss all that He has for me.
Yet there are time (too many to count) that I don't bring Him glory. I mess up. And that too can impact generations negatively. But I just have to pick up, face it, and ask Him for forgiveness and cleansing and keep on going. He knows how imperfect I am yet He includes me anyways. Because of His great love and grace I can participate with Him where He's working.
Anyways I'm just rambling.
I was thinking about that because life has been so clustered lately. Nothing black and white nothing sure (although it is getting there) yet I have to remind myself regularly to remember what matters.
Sometimes I feel if as I'm making progress in this life. Like I'm making progress spiritually, relationally, emotionally...etc...and then there are days when I think, "will I ever get it??" So far 2006 has been a "will I ever get it?" year. I screw up daily in my thoughts and my actions. The devil jumps on it with the lie, "you can't be saved if you do that or think that." And I have this inner tumoil just bubbling up inside me. Intellectually I know I'm saved but really I wonder sometimes, "wow where was the love of God in that thought??" Or "where was the power of God when you made that dumb choice again??" Where is this power of God I hear about others having?? Why do I feel like I'm striving in my own strength every day yet when I pray for His strength or His power I still fail.
Somethings that God has taught me this year about this is having pure faith and fighting against the enemy and resisting temptation to the point it hurts. So I guess those are positive. (I do tend to focus in on the negative.) He's also taught me about humility. My pride still likes to rear it's ugly head all the time but I'm more aware of myself and my limits, my humaness, my sinful nature then I was in my past. That is for sure.
Also sometimes when I start to get foggy in my belief about how God sees me or His love for me I remember how I feel about my own children and when they mess up...but also how I feel about their disobedience and such. I realize that God tends to show me mercy a bit more than I do my own kids. But remember the relationship between me and my Father in Heaven helps me to see things clearly once again.
..still rambling..
One thing God is teaching me as well is about His love through me for others. I have been painfully made aware of, since I became a Christian 10 years ago, how selfish I was before Christ, how selfish I was after Christ, and how selfish I am still 10 years later after thinking I've made progress. I have a lot to learn in this area. I'm naturally not a servant. Unlike my husband who's gift is servanthood. God has used him to teach me what serving others looks like. My husband will do anything for his family. I've also noticed with those who have the gift of service they see other's needs before they arise. I on the other hand can have a hint right in front of my face and not recognize it...except I must say that is becoming less and less true as God is teaching me. Because there was a time that I didn't even realize I wasn't recognizing it. I just thougtht I was so sweet and so nice and was the best friend anyone could ever have. Now I'm just trying to learn to act on the needs I see...I tend to hesititate due to fear...fear of uncharted territory, fear of rejection, fear of attention, as well honestly sometimes selfishness or laziness. Baby steps I suppose.
(in case you are still reading I'm still rambling) I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks these things??
Ok well I am actually done with rambling. Prayer requests...pray we find the place to live that God wants us too. We want to be out of here by July 1st!!
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