So it's now end of Sept. 1994. I'm at OSU and he's at Clack. Comm. Coll (CCC). We start our long distance relationship. We do fine. We drive back and forth a lot. It would take me 70 minutes one way. I knew exactly what time to leave to make it to class on time.
Mainly this is the year that God started working in my life. How so? This is the year that I began to question everything. What was the purpose in all this studying and stress? I remember thinking I could die tomorrow and what would be the point. Of course there were short term goals but after I died what would be the point of it all. I started to feel much anxiety as the year dragged on. I didn't get it because I had so much but felt so empty.
Things came to a head the next summer. My fh and I fought more because I was so antagonistic and anxious quite a bit. I had 2-3 panic attacks as well. We even broke up for just a bit. I didn't know what I wanted. I knew I didn't want to be without him but he couldn't make me happy anymore. It was like it didn't matter what he did the emptiness ached inside me. He liked me but he was at the point that he didn't know how much longer he could take it. I was afraid I was going to lose him and my own mind but what could I do.
I gave myself many pep-talks and would do good for a few weeks and then it would come back. It was very up and down and very annoying.
Meanwhile my fh had been wrestling at CCC and had agreed to transfer and wrestle at OSU. We were excited that our long distance relationship would be long distance no more.
But would we last? Until next time...
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