It's the weekend, you're home alone.  You just posted a post you wrote a week ago :)... but you re-read it and were glad you wrote it--mission accomplished --you captured a memory.!

This last Friday morning was tough.  One moment - a span of about 20 minutes - would've drove you to tears had you not had to pull it together for work.  Work has actually been a God-send in that way.  Work's been therapeutic for you in many ways.

But this post is not about work but about your daughter and those 20 minutes.

To my daughter,

In trying to do my best to make you smile that morning I made the situation worse.  When moments like this happen I don't know how it all escalates so fast, I don't even see it coming.  It's just like a tornado that comes and goes just like that leaving a trail of destruction in it's wake... tears, hurt feelings, despair, anger, sadness.

Sis, I just want you to know I'm trying.  I'll keep trying to do my best to help you through life.  I'll keep trying to reign in my emotions, be the mature one.  I'll keep trying to put a guard over my mouth.  I'll keep trying to see things from your eyes. I'll never give up.

I want you to know how wonderful and beautiful you are and how I love you just the way you are.  You are so complex.  You are so deep.  You are not hard to parent as I've said before in moments of utter despair.  It's just you are not a child a lazy parent can parent well.  You demand real love time and attention.  And that's good.  You are not satisfied with movies or video games.  You want interaction.  You hate electronics.  You want to go out for walks and play games and you always have to be doing something otherwise life is boring.  You are action.  And that is good.  You are a rare child these days.

You always have been bent on action.  I've always thanked God for your personality because it doesn't allow me to be lazy.  Sure I don't always say yes to your requests but you don't realize that when I do say yes what an accomplishment that is.  All those times I said, "OK 15 minutes on the trampoline" or "OK let's go for that walk" or "yes I'll play outside with you."  Those are big deals for your mom... :)

You make me a better person.

I wished on that Friday you could see past my words and see the depth of love I have for you and how I just want you to be happy and strong and resilient to the darts of your immature friends.  And when you walk out of the car crying I am crying too. I don't like when we fight. I the hurt is so deep for me.

Someday you will I hope.  As I did when I grew up.

Love,
Mom