Monday, May 29, 2006

What a weekend...

Although we did nothing really this weekend it was quite the weekend. On Friday I posted a post about some recent things that have been going on in our life. So maybe you were one of the lucky ones and read it before I took it off on Saturday evening. Saturday turned out to be quite an emotional day for me and after the events that took place I decided it would be best to take off Friday's post. I might repost it in the future. We'll see.

I can't really divulge any details right now. Let's just say this. This past year has taught some key lessons. Never will I assume I know God's path for me. It seems right when I think I know it my course changes completely. We plan our course but His will be done. That the best way although not the easiest.

This weekend my last 2 months of pent up emotions came overflowing out of me. In one way it felt good to get it out but mostly it was painful. Sorrow can really be physically painful. It's weird. I knew it was going to happen soon...I could fill it welling up inside me. So yes Saturday was the day that the dam broke...as well as other things related to that (the gaps to this story will be filled in later if you didn't happen to catch Friday evening's post)

Saturday evening also brought my son getting really sick...that led into Sunday morning. Then Sunday my husband came down with it...and today my daughter is getting it. Stay back you cursed sickness!!! Stay back!

So then let's see...oh yes and then today we went to my parents to bbq. my husband was still pretty sick and my son is still sick but was feeling a little bit better so we thought we go anways. We had planned to take them out to dinner on sunday but my dad wanted to bbq and sunday didn't work out...blah blah blah so here we are.

another realization i came to this weekend is that life is hard. ok so i've known that but this weekend showed me i suppose that why did i ever think that i should have it easy??? Do i deserve it? is it my right?? nope life i would have to say is mostly hard ... what would an easy life look like? Is it money and fame that bring it...i wouldn't think so considering the headlines you read of famous rich ppl (divorce, paparazzi, no privacy, etc...) they don't seem to have it made. ... so what else... i guess that an easy life isn't something to be coveted... i think a hard life is the better path in the end if you handle it in a good way. a hard life lived by trusting God, staying honest, holding to your integrity, working hard, enduring, pressing on, overcoming, appreciating the blessings and small things in life, and loving your family and friends in the midst of it all... keeping focused on what is truly important --your relationship with God and your relationships with your loved ones, serving and giving -- then life can be as hard as it wants but i'm sure you'll still have a sense of peace and joy, knowing that your life is resting in the hand of God.

This past year has been filled with choices. 3 or 4 times this year (or maybe more) i've had to just pray and pray and make the choice that seemed right according to His will...but that was very hard because both ways were good, both ways were ok, both ways were ways i loved.... what is weird now that I think about it last year i had 3 dreams about choices and in each dream i had a hard time...just now put 2 and 2 together i'll have to think about that. but anyways each choice was hard and each choice i had to let soemthing go i loved but each choice turned out to be His will.

we just faced a choice (the hardest yet) this past month or so... we made it and it was hard, it was heartbreaking, it was made with much prayer, it was not easy and we had to let go of things...and unintentionally hurt ppl in the process... we believe it was the right choice and I pray that God will confirm it in the hearts of our loved ones more and more as time goes by. I'm also facing a choice (not so dramatic) that i'll need to make withing the next couple of months or so...but i'm hoping God will put the answer in my lap or give me the courage to do the one I think i sort of want to.

i've also learned that not everything i do will make everyone happy...that is hard because i have always been one that wants to be liked...(i could do a whole blog about that) but anyways with each choice ppl have been affected...one way or the other. that's one reason i was saying life is hard...

so you sailed away into a gray sky morning...now i'm here to stay love can be so boring
it's not so bad your only the best i ever had
don't want me back...you're only the best i ever had

i like that song..((gary allan)) it ran through my mind saturday and tonight...it doesn't have much to do with things of this weekend but i still sang it. ha ha
love to all and all to love
xoxo

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